Hi, I'm Becky. I'm the problem.

It's me. Hi.

I'm the problem.

For a whole lot of reasons I woke up this morning and chose violence (not literally, but stick with me).

It's hot. I had the chance to sleep in but didn't because we have a puppy and puppy bladders don't sleep in.

We made it to the door. I opened it. Whiskey peed.

Three feet on the wrong side of the door. Because he's a puppy.

Tango walked outside and refused to leave the sidewalk. Charlie walked into the grass but wouldn’t pee. Tucker didn't even get out of bed. I hadn't used the bathroom myself yet and all of this meant we would have to come back outside soon. I had piddle to clean up in the house. I didn't get to sleep in. I needed coffee, and did I mention it's really hot???

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The thing is I'm a human, and we humans have some great qualities but we also respond to stressors — sometimes in not so great ways.

So I was aggravated with the dogs, all of them. Suddenly everything they did (or didn't do) made things worse. I had scrambled out of bed ignoring all my own needs to get them out the door and there they stood looking at me with confusion and (what I absorbed as) defiance. I could feel my jaw getting tight and heard the frustration in my tone as I marched everyone back in the house.

Once inside I had a moment of conviction. My pack didn't know I needed to use the bathroom. They didn't know I wanted to sleep in, that I awoke with a headache (because it's HOT) and needed coffee. They didn't know why there was tension in the way I held their leashes, or why I stomped my way back to the door.

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Dogs are pretty black and white. Their lives are full of cues and responses. Here's how they saw the first 20 minutes of the morning unfold:

🐾 Mama got out of bed way early and we didn't need to pee yet because we don't get access to water over night (ever since the puppy moved in) and we were just out there a few hours ago.

🐾 There are soooo many things to smell because there are critters crossing the yard at night and since we don't need to potty we can take some time to check those out and see who visited.

🐾 The puppy didn't make it to the door again but that doesn't really impact us, mama said to “leave it” when we walked past so we did.

🐾 But wait! Look at the way she's gripping the leash and standing like she's stressed and we don't know why so we're going to go on high alert because maybe there's still a critter in the yard! Better not pee yet, it'll make us vulnerable to the attack that mama is clearly tensing up for!

Cues (human/environment) and responses (dog behavior)

🐾 The food bowl means we get fed.

🐾 The leash means a walk.

🐾 The treat bag means we get snacks.

Sometimes the cues from humans are verbal. Often they are body language (leash gripping, jaw clenching) or physiological (increased pulse, changes in breathing, release of stress hormones). We communicate to our dogs through our energy as much as our words, a concept that's tough for us to grasp intuitively.

As a side note, we use energy to communicate with other humans also, we just don't recognize it as clearly as dogs do! For us it's subtle and something we recognize subconsciously. For them it's a bright screaming beacon, words in neon, sirens blaring, communication in living color!

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The most important conversation that happened in my dogs’ minds this morning was my tension leading to their response. To me (human) it looked like wanton defiance. To them (dogs) it looked like a perfectly normal response to my stress.

In class a few weeks ago, one of our more seasoned students recognized how her own cues were negatively and inadvertently impacting her dog's response. What looked on the surface like disobedience and lack of focus from the dog was actually a response to confusing and inconsistent cues from the human.

“It's me,” she said, “I'm the problem”.

It's so true. Once I took a deep breath and reset my frustration-based energy, I could clearly see how every cue I gave my dogs this morning resulted in responses I didn't want to see, but they were exactly what I accidentally asked for.

We're humans. We get overrun with our own emotions. This is not a pass to let you (or me!) off the hook when it comes to communication with our dogs! We need to do better.

We need to learn, be aware, be observant, and be willing to recognize when the problem is, well, us.

So it's me. Hi. I'm the problem.

Yup, it's me.